


So You're A Girl

by orphan_account



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gender Identity, trans abe takaya, trans headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 21:16:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3425888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abe Takaya has felt uncomfortable all her life. She felt fine playing with the boys, getting dirty, going to training camp, but at the end of the day, her reflection in the mirror was... uncomfortable. She's confused about SOMETHING, but she doesn't know WHAT.</p><p>Until she stumbles across 'transgender'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So You're A Girl

**Author's Note:**

> A very short coming-to-terms story of trans girl Abe. The only time she's referred to with him/he pronouns is before Mihashi knows, but I tried to keep it very brief! 
> 
> (Also, I didn't know what Abe's new name is, so I just didn't give her one. You can come up with whatever names you want for her, though!)
> 
> *Rude and transphobic comments will not be allowed. Period. If you have any questions on gender identity (whether it be trans or otherwise), you can send me a message or comment.  
> **I'm nonbinary, but not trans. If there's wrong with how I portrayed anything, please tell me! I'll fix it.  
> ***If there are any grammar or spelling mistakes, tell me! I don't catch stuff sometimes.
> 
> (Also, if this gets good feedback, I might turn it into a series?? Maybe. Everybody needs more hetero couples that aren't cis-bent. ;P )

Abe Takaya paced her bedroom anxiously. An airy frustration was building in her chest and tickling her fingertips; she didn’t know how to make it go away. She wanted to scream and scream and never stop. She wanted to catch Mihashi’s balls and throw them back as hard as she could, even though she knew the boy would protest. She wanted to get in a screaming match with her mother until they were both red in the face. She wanted to run thirty laps around the baseball diamond, dig up the grass, kick at the dirt, swing her bat at the fences. She wanted to call her boyfriend and cry on his skinny little shoulders until he was crying too. 

She wanted it to stop. She was tired, and she was spent, and she was done. 

She ran her calloused fingers through her hair, fisting the dark strands as tight as she could without ripping her hair out. Her breathing was shaky when she turned to look at her mirror-- a little mirror in her room that she used to use to check on the bruises on her back, from when she still caught for Haruna. It was always inexplicitly uncomfortable to see her reflection. 

Today, her reflection was red in the cheeks. Fists still balled up in her short hair. Her eyebrows were untrimmed and her jaw was sharp. Her grey eyes were puffy and red, and they weren’t hers. They were Abe Takaya’s, but they weren’t hers. They were “his”. The Abe that everybody knew. 

An hour and a half ago, she was fine. She was confused and impatient and grumpy like usual, but she was fine. 

An hour ago, she saw the word ‘transgender’ on a blogpost. Out of innocent curiosity, she googled it to see what it was. Article after article of personal accounts and educational pages popped up. Soon, her heart was racing with every word she read and every experience she could relate to. Forty minutes later she was crying, and the confusion she had since she could remember had tripled. 

“I’m not a girl,” she had whispered to herself. “I’m a boy. I’m my mother’s son. I’m on the boy’s baseball team. I’m a boy…? Right?” 

The word ‘boy’ felt dirtier and dirtier each time it passed her lips. She was crying by the time she mouthed the words, “I’m a girl?” Some of the confusion ebbed away, and she said it louder. Each time was more freeing than the last, and she kept saying it over and over and over.

Now, as she stared into her reflection, she saw the same reflection she saw in the bathroom mirror or in the car’s rearview mirror. It was the same, but there was a light in those grey eyes that weren’t there before. Abe lowered her hands and stared into her eyes, refusing to look at the rest of her maturing, boyish face; the face she had grown to hate.

She slid to her knees, leaning against the dresser the mirror was on as she went. Her heart pounded and her head was fuzzy, but there was no more of that nagging confusion. It was new, and it was scary, but it was so freeing. 

When she went to bed that night, Abe didn’t spend thirty minutes wondering why her flat chest and boxer shorts had felt so dirty. She simply slept. 

\----

To Mihashi, that Sunday, weeks later, felt like any other day. He was with Abe, the other half of his battery and the better half of him. He knew he was in love with Abe, and hoped that Abe felt the same. 

He didn’t know that Abe was his girlfriend, not his boyfriend. Abe hadn’t told him yet, though Mihashi realized that it made her uncomfortable when their teammates asked Mihashi if he had a girlfriend, Mihashi had to say ‘No, not really’. He just thought it was because Abe didn’t want them to know they were dating.

So, when they were kissing after their mandatory study-session (Abe didn’t like it when Mihashi failed a test; especially when Mihashi admitted because he had too much fun kissing her), he thought he was kissing his ‘boyfriend’. Thought he was being brave, for once, and taking the lead over his ‘boyfriend’. Running his fingers along Abe’s forearms and down ‘his’ slim sides. He was confused when Abe’s hand caught his and held it off of her waist.

“Ren, uhm…” she stopped him. Their faces were still close together, so her lips tickled his when she talked. The same chapped lips that had kissed his a thousand times.

“Y-yeah?” Of course, he thought he had gone too far, and was worried that Abe would hate him now. He was relieved when Abe leaned back, making his face a little less hot. 

The panic came back when he saw her face. Lowered, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed tight. The only other time he had seen it was when Abe hurt his leg. 

The thought of I fucked up immediately passed through his head.

“I-- uh, I’m so sorry. I d-didn’t mean to…” he chirped, trying to make peace. 

“It’s not that,” Abe shook her head. Mihashi went quiet and waited for her to continue.

“Look, Ren, I have something to tell you. Well, I was doing some… research on the different LGBT identities, and...” she trailed off.

Abe’s not looking at me. Is this bad? Is Abe asexual, is that why my touching was bad? Please, don’t hate me, Abe, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-- Mihashi fidgeted where he sat on his bedroom floor.

It was uncomfortable enough outside of her own bedroom, but Abe was embarrassed on how she couldn’t get the words out. She had promised herself a week ago that she’d tell Mihashi that she was trans. Every day, she kept putting it off: they were on a date; they were having fun cooking; they were too busy studying. She knew that now had to be the time, and she had to get it out.

She fumbled around until she could get a hold on Mihashi’s hands. They were so warm in her own, and she felt the old meditation trick work almost instantly. She closed her eyes for good measure and imagined they were on the mound, and that she was the one comforting Mihashi. There was something important he needed to hear, even though it might hurt them, and even though it was terrifying. She needed to say it, to get the words up past her violently beating heart, out her tight throat, and through her trembling lips. 

Say it. 

“Ren, I… I’m trans.”

Mihashi’s hands didn’t pull away from hers. They didn’t turn icy cold like hers, and they didn’t tense up. There was only silence, and Abe looked up. She knew that Mihashi knew what it was; a few days after she herself found out what being transgender was, she had asked Mihashi what he knew. He said he only knew the base of it, but that he’d look it up. They hadn’t talked about it again until now.

Brown eyes looked over her face before darting down to look between her crossed legs. They immediately shot right back up, accompanied by a guilty blush. Abe saw his mouth gape and waited until he got his thoughts arranged. 

“So… you have… You have a…?” 

“...No, I don’t… I have a…” she felt the uncomfortable weight of the word on her tongue. “...what you have.”

That dazed, lost look appeared on Mihashi’s soft face for a moment, and he almost asked a question that was sure to be poorly thought out. Abe braced herself, but he snapped himself out it. 

“Oh! So you’re a girl,” he blurted out. “Uhm… r-right?”

Abe felt something akin to relief and satisfaction bubble in her chest. She nodded stiffly; she wasn’t sure if Mihashi would still like her or not. She needed to make sure, even though she wasn’t sure if she wanted the answer.

“So… are you… Do you have any…” she couldn’t do more than bumble, hoping that he’d catch on. 

He’s not looking at me. Oh god, he’s not looking at me. Ren, please look at me. I’m right here. Please don’t say you don’t like me. Ren, still like me, please. Anxiety replaced her usual impatience while she waited for his reply.

Mihashi’s eyes wouldn’t look at Abe’s face for several long moments. His thoughts were soaring and he was trying to piece them together, to say something coherent and correct. 

“I guess…” he started, his voice failing. He finally looked at his panicked catcher, and squeezed her hands. “...I guess I… I have a c-cute girlfriend now.”

Moving ever so slowly, Mihashi leaned forward until his lips could kiss the apple of Abe’s cheeks. He made sure that his hands weren’t squeezing hers too hard and that his lips weren’t pressed against her skin too softly. Before he pulled back, he felt something wet against the side of his mouth. 

Strong arms (of a beautiful, strong girl) wrapped around his neck before he could see Abe’s face. He heard whispering in his ear, and could make out fast ‘Thank you’s between the gasps. He didn’t know what to do, so he did what he’d seen in a romantic chick-flick his mom was watching a few days ago. He wrapped his arms around Abe’s waist and under her, and pulled her snugly into his lap. 

Mihashi made sure to hold her extra tight. He made sure to spread his hands out across her back, to make sure that she could feel the heat off of him across every inch of her. He kissed the side of her ear and shifted his legs so she could sit on something comfortable. He hugged her like that for a long time.

“...Taka-- Uhm, what... do I call you now?”

There was a sniff. “I… haven’t figured that out yet. Takaya’s fine.”

“Okay… Takaya, I… I love you. A lot."


End file.
